I love you, Jerome! Idaho, that is. I spent my first night with him. Alas, it would turn out to be just another one-nighter.
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I booked my hotel using points. Whenever I do this, I’ve noticed that I don’t always get the best room. Oh, sure, it was on the first floor. And it was right next to the ice machine. How convenient!
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Clunk, Clunk, SSSSSSSSSSS. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Pfffft even after I shut the door.
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The curtains were drawn. Let’s get some light in here, I thought. Surely, things will improve. After opening the curtains, that’s when I saw it.
The ottoman. Not just any ottoman. It was tipped over! A domestic squabble? A robbery gone wrong? Could this person still be in the room? Or did I stumble onto the set of Dateline by mistake?
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Calm down! Housekeeping must have forgotten to put the ottoman back. They did such a thorough job of sweeping, too!
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Then there was the bed. Someone had been sleeping in it, and there was still an outline of where the body was. He left in such a hurry that he must have tipped over the ottoman.
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Clunk, Clunk. SSSSSSSSSSS. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Pfffft.
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Oh, no, this wasn’t going to work. I needed a different room. I explained my dilemma to the front desk clerk. It was quite a chore for him to keep straight face after I told him about the ottoman.
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“I don’t have anything else on the first floor.”
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“Okay, I’ll take the second floor.”
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He gave me a new door key and told me this room was right above the one I was just in as if this were somehow comforting.
The hotel had two hallways. I walked down the first one. No elevator. It must be the second one. Nope. How could I miss it?
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The desk clerks had changed by this time. I asked the girl, “Where’s the elevator?”
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Her facial expression suggested she was about to roll her eyes heavenward and said, “There isn’t one.”
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Nor was there any offer to help me with my suitcase. I didn’t need help, but I would have liked more options.
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Out of breath, I made it to the second floor. Here’s my room and no ice machine. So far, so good. I opened the door. The first thing I noticed was that the air smelled like body order. I sniffed under my arms. It was a long drive and an even a longer day at the airport. Nope. That’s not it.
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Well, at least the bed doesn't look like its been slept in. Check. The curtains are open. Check. What’s that? The ottoman? It’s tipped over just like the other room! Okay, so this is just something the hotel does to welcome its guests.
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The room certainly looked clean. At any rate, I was too tired to change rooms again. And things would have ended there if it hadn’t been for what happened the next morning.
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I woke up, made coffee, and was ready to take a shower. While waiting for the hot
water, I took a bath towel down from the rack and screamed.
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“What the hell is that?” It’s big. It’s black. I slept with this thing all night! Wait. It’s not moving.
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Lo and behold, it was a false eyelash! How could anyone miss this? How long have those towels been up there? Wouldn’t a girl know when she was missing a row of eyelashes? Wouldn’t one eye feel lighter than the other?
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I don’t know because I’ve never worn false eyelashes. At least it wasn’t a bug. Next, I did what anyone else would have done in my situation. I took a pic of it and showed the front desk when I checked out. It’s not like they were going to give me a refund because I used points for my room. It was just too good not to share.
So, if you are ever in Eyedaho, remember to check the hotel walls for any false eyelashes that might be winking at you.
Jerome, you’ll always be my first love. And I swear that I'll never, ever forget you.